52 replies to this topic

[Mr. Roboto]

Freedom78 sits down with the Syndicate and dishes about Swedish Meatballs, Obama, statistical data in regards to cocaine induced strokes and his freakishly boyish good looks.



Why The Syndicate? What’s the draw?

I appreciate the title. "Syndicate"...we are, after all, a bunch of downloading, motherfucking criminals, aren't we? And chicks dig the bad boy. I'm a bad seed. Like that Costanza cat. Like Uncle Axl says, why let that one bad apple spoil the whole damn bunch? With the Syndicate, we've just taken that a big further...put ALL the bad apples into an entirely new bushel, leave 'em out in the open without rules, and see if they ferment.

Also, I think the design of the web page is awesome. The "look" of it is great. At night, when my eyes are tired, a page like the Syndicate, with those mellow browns and soothing blacks...very kind on the eyes.


Real life aspirations and goals?

At some point I'd like to pick up the guitar. I don't care to do much of the widdly diddly fast stuff...just wanna play some slow, 'lectric blues.

I also enjoy cooking, and plan to get a nice French cookbook to start exploring that cuisine, as I have with Italian over the last 18 months or so. I'm sure other cuisine will follow.

Kids, a dog, a house of my own once the wife is out of school.

Also, I'm not crazy about my career, so I'm thinking about what I'd rather do.


Fantasy life aspirations and goals?

I suffer from delusions of persecution, so I'm hoping to have to go through some sort of breathalyzer checkpoint, which is an unwarranted search and seizure and prohibited by the Constitution, so that I can tell them what I think of it, refuse to cooperate and be taken to jail for believing that I have liberties the government cannot infringe upon without just cause.

Also, a harem.


When not trolling internet forums what are you doing to keep busy?

I is oftun gradeing poorley wrote stuff frum my studyents.

Also, I spend a lot of time on the comp, always playing music. Really, the internet trolling began as something to do while exploring music.


Obama, first hundred days in one word or less:

Relief.


Coffee beans as a form of currency? Why wouldn’t this work? Or could it?

Well, it's no more silly than gold or paper with some ol' fucker's picture on it, now is it? In fact, cacao was used as a currency of sorts between the peoples of pre-colonial Latin America. Of course, the difference between using cacao and gold is that one is fairly easily, naturally, and constantly reproduced, though both are taken OUT of currency, by consumption of cacao and the use of gold to create things. The key with any currency is its relative worth to various peoples. Water, for example...if non-oil states formed a water cartel, it's safe to say that oil would be much cheaper (well, perhaps not cheaper, but since we'd be giving away that which we have in abundance...).

So, yes, coffee could potentially work, but probably not in a worldwide capacity. People in coffee growing lands wouldn't value coffee as a currency, except in its ability to get them goods and services from those outside of coffee growing lands. The benefit of something as silly as paper money is that it has no value for consumption, outside of papier-mâché and birds' nests and shit like that. But, since we already have normal paper for that, and since one little green piece of paper that says "$5" can get you a bunch of normal paper, only an idiot (or artist) would use their money for such things. So, as far as currency goes, I'd say that paper money is superior to coffee or any consumable good. BUT!...this won't necessarily always be the case. Give ol' Mad Max some paper money...what good is it? In truth, it's only as good as the faith in it.


Favorite bands?

GNR
AC/DC
Sabbath
Floyd
Maiden
Gov't Mule
Thin Lizzy
Zep
Buckcherry
Crüe
Motörhead
SRV

...the list goes on and on.

I'm willing to give a listen to anything that can reasonably be called rock n' roll, metal, blues. Especially if it has an umlaut.

Also, some bands that aren't well known but would be enjoyed (probably) by people who are GNR fans:

The Answer
Bullets and Octane


What’s the chance of Kudlow doing a big rail of blow, and stroking out on live tv before the Obama administration comes to an end?

Hmm...this depends on whether they both have to happen on the same day, and whether the blow has to be done on live TV or not. It also depends on whether Obama has one or two terms (I'll assume that nothing bad happens to our President). Assuming that the blow has to be done on live tv on the same day he has a stroke, here are my base probabilities:

Blow:

Likelihood of Kudlow using blow on live TV, on any given date before Jan. 20, 2013 --- 13%

Likelihood of Kudlow using blow on live TV, on any given date before Jan. 20, 2013 and Jan. 20, 2017--- 47%

---NOTE: I believe that the longer the Obama adminstration continues, the more likely it will be that Kudlow will use blow on any given day. So the 13% for Obama's first term is an average of his rare blow use during these early days, and more aggressive use later on. Similarly, during a potential second term, the likelihood of blow use reaches a rate of nearly one live, on air usage every three days. This reflects moderate use early on, followed by EXTREME use near the end of Obama's term, when Kudlow realizes we're about to elect Joe or Hillary.

Stroke:

Likelihood of an on air stroke, on any given date before Jan. 20, 2013 --- 4%
Likelihood of an on air stroke, on any given date between Jan. 20, 2013 and Jan. 20, 2016 --- 46%

---NOTE: Yes, believe it or not there is scientific evidence that Kudlow is regularly suffering on air strokes. Here's the evidence:


Terms:
Likelihood that Obama serves at least one term in office --- 100%
Likelihood that Obama serves two terms in office --- 62%

So, the rate at which Kudlow will suffer an on air stroke on the same day that he does a massive, on air line of blow is, on any given day is:

pblowstroke = p1term*(pblow1stterm*pstroke1stterm) + p2term*(pblow2ndterm*pstroke2ndterm) = 1*(.13*.04) + .62*(.47*.46) = 0.0052 + 0.134 = 0.1392 = 13.92% likelihood that an on air stroke will be coupled with an on air line of blow.

Now, given that Kudlow's on, what, five days a week, say four week off a year? So that's 190 on air appearances per year, so not only is it likely but I expect to see the blow stroke combo about four times during the first term and a whopping 102 times during any second term. Should make for interesting viewing!


How do you manage to stay clear of the ban stick, what’s your secret?

If I tell you, it won't be a secret. But here are some possibilities:

(1) I regularly bathe in Swedish meatballs, making me irresistible to the HTGTH administration.
(2) AdZ and I had the same haircut, but he got me caught in a Flowbee, and my out of court settlement means that I can't be banned
(3) Norway and I go to the same church, so he put in a good word for me. He's my kids' sunday school teacher.
(4) HTGTH is actually the Matrix, and I'm doin' some Neo shit


Word association-Chinese Democracy:

Incontinent. Get it? Because it's leaky?*

*NOTE: This joke replaced my first answer "dot com", which was meant to reflect the fact that for much of my GNR internet experience, chinesedemocracy.com was more relevant than the real Chinese Democracy. But, I felt that that joke showed a bit too much maturity.

Ok...real answers.

Fucking epic.

Roller coaster.

Axl.


Would you accept medical assistance from a student who graduated from a University that Sally Struthers endorses?

Wow. I had no idea she had done this, and I haven't a clue what university it might be. Given a choice, I'd probably avoid it.


Waterboarding, acceptable for most unruly online GnR fans or no?

As you know, the Geneva Conventions don't apply to enemy combatants, so if we catch them here, they aren't protected.


What should we expect to see from you before the years up? What’s your plans?

I'm hoping to watch some ball games, play a little golf, learn more about everything.

Also, have tix for Metallica, and planning to go for Aerosmith/ZZ Top, as well. GNR would be a must see, too, if they make it out this year.


Anything else we need to know?

Undoubtedly.

[Bandita]

Oh, excellent. I love this new segment.

Apparently, Mr. Freedom doesn't remember the Sally Struther commercials though! Well, maybe he remembers the one where she looked like she was going to eat all the starving children's food but he does not remember her endorsed correspondence schools!

Thankfully, since da internets are so vast, I have pulled this gem from the vault for his viewing pleasure:

[freedom78]

Oh, excellent. I love this new segment.

Apparently, Mr. Freedom doesn't remember the Sally Struther commercials though! Well, maybe he remembers the one where she looked like she was going to eat all the starving children's food but he does not remember her endorsed correspondence schools!

Thankfully, since da internets are so vast, I have pulled this gem from the vault for his viewing pleasure:

OH, HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I completely forgot about that! Yeah, I recall now. "DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY?!?!" Why does she sound like she's about to cry when she talks?

[Bandita]

She always annoyed me. I am thinking about signing up for home gun repair though.

[LISA]

awesomeness...is that a word? I'm feelin frisky!

[Macker]

"It was too hard to put down. A fantastic read and a read all in one sitting. After a nice gumbo, 2 thumbs down into the Swedish meatball gravy entree." "Bam!" Emeril Lagasse "I was thoroughly impressed with the work shown in the mathematical equations of blow to stroke ratio." Chortled a gleeful String theory physicist. "In my years of string theory studies, and being a student of coke head genius Dr. Albert Einstein, I have often looked at the rails of blow to stroke ratio and if by chance someone were to fall through a worm hole into a parallel existence; could this person call his voice mail to inform himself of the impending doom of a stroke?" "I'm interested in specific cell phone carriers and roaming charges and also if static which is mainly noise from Saturn would pose a significant factor?" "This will be in my next book titled "GnR fan sites from Sweden and the relationship with Axl and Anti-matter" or "Physics of The Impossible II." Dr. Michio Kaku. Michio Kaku is the Henry Semat Professor of Theoretical Physics at CCNY and the CUNY Graduate Center, a leader in the field of theoretical physics, and cofounder of string field theory. He is also a fan of Axl Rose and his string of guitarists theory. Macker says Dude! and went into a series of self analysis, contemplating swine flu and having strong ideas on how to better the restrictor plate racing at Daytona and Talladega while cleaning his weapons and eating pizza bagels.

[Mr. Roboto]

Oh, excellent. I love this new segment.

Apparently, Mr. Freedom doesn't remember the Sally Struther commercials though! Well, maybe he remembers the one where she looked like she was going to eat all the starving children's food but he does not remember her endorsed correspondence schools!

Thankfully, since da internets are so vast, I have pulled this gem from the vault for his viewing pleasure:

OH, HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I completely forgot about that! Yeah, I recall now. "DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY?!?!" Why does she sound like she's about to cry when she talks?

I always loved the option of "Gun repairman."

[Mr. Roboto]

Macker says Dude! and went into a series of self analysis, contemplating swine flu and having strong ideas on how to better the restrictor plate racing at Daytona and Talladega while cleaning his weapons and eating pizza bagels.

Somebody smart tell me what this means.

[Bandita]

Macker says Dude! and went into a series of self analysis, contemplating swine flu and having strong ideas on how to better the restrictor plate racing at Daytona and Talladega while cleaning his weapons and eating pizza bagels.

Somebody smart tell me what this means.

Someone missed meds time again, me thinks.

[freedom78]

As interviewee, do I get the option of picking the next interviewee? Also, if it ever gets back to me again, I'm interested in doing a centerfold shoot. Something classy, nice airbrushing, soft lighting*cough*like Penthouse*cough*.

[Bandita]

A photospread would be mighty nice but you better watermark that shit up, cause people will be trying to steal it far and wide!

[freedom78]

A photospread would be mighty nice but you better watermark that shit up, cause people will be trying to steal it far and wide!

I'll just shave various patches into copyright symbols. But in a classy way.

[Bandita]

always keepin' it classy, babe! by the way, thanks for the fur mental picture while I was midnight snacking!

[Mr. Roboto]

That's how he rolls, he's all about the experience.

[Macker]

Macker says Dude! and went into a series of self analysis, contemplating swine flu and having strong ideas on how to better the restrictor plate racing at Daytona and Talladega while cleaning his weapons and eating pizza bagels.

Somebody smart tell me what this means.

Someone missed meds time again, me thinks.

Or just that I liked it but I was easily distracted by several things, especially pizza bagels. I do think I need some kind of medication or an assistant to keep my thoughts down and my schedule running smoothly. Some sort of intern program maybe and comfortable slacks?