959 replies to this topic

[Zimbochick]

How does one have a close call with sexual assault? Women have grabbed my ass plenty of times (well four of five times come to mine) so does that count as assault. I'd like to know how we define sexual assault, cause I think some use the term sparingly. So what defines a close call with sexual assault?

At least you are completely predictable Flagg.

My normal response to such a statement would be "are you fucking kidding me you misogynistic cunt?", but as I am trying out a new persona of a calmer, less reactionary Zimbo, I will attempt to answer.

I have had 2 close calls. Feel free to label them any way you wish.

The first time I was 12 years old, and due to miscommunications was not collected by my mother when I should have been. I was walking home when a very respectable older man stopped his car, asked if I was okay, if I needed a ride. He then asked who I was, when I told him, it transpired he knew my family. I climbed in the car, and we made small talk. After a while he started touching me, first on the arm, then the leg, then trying to put his hand under my skirt. I asked him to stop, he laughed at me. Then he said he wasn't taking me to my home, but to his. I now realized things were rapidly headed south. He was trying to force his hand between my legs. We were driving away from anything familiar to me, and I knew I needed to do something, so when we slowed down to take a corner, I jumped out. We were probably travelling at 15-20mph, enough that it really hurt. I started screaming, probably a combination of fear, and because I was hurt. He then drove away. I walked/ran the rest of the way home.

The second time I was in college, and a "friend" of my sister's popped in for a visit, I lived in off-campus housing. He was a huge, strong guy who had been a friend up until then. Not long after he arrived he forced himself on me, I had absolutely no chance. He had a hand over my mouth, and a forearm across my throat. I couldn't scream, or even move. Lucky for me one of the housemates had been at home sleeping in her room, and just happened to wake up at the right moment.

That's how one has a close call with sexual assaults.

[PERM BANNED]

Those are cases of rape. Not sexual assault. I'm not trying to be an asshole. I know woman who some guy cops a feel at a bar and claim they are sexual assault victims. There is an obvious difference between your tragic and sad stories and someone who has their ass grabbed. The term sexual assault is not strong enough by itself to distinguish between the two. Thank you for your answer and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[Hula]

How does one have a close call with sexual assault? Women have grabbed my ass plenty of times (well four of five times come to mine) so does that count as assault. I'd like to know how we define sexual assault, cause I think some use the term sparingly. So what defines a close call with sexual assault?

randy its called date rape. huge diff between someone grabbing your ass in a playful way or even a not so subtle jerk way, than being on a date with a man that won't stop after a few good night kisses. date rape happens a lot

[PERM BANNED]

How does one have a close call with sexual assault? Women have grabbed my ass plenty of times (well four of five times come to mine) so does that count as assault. I'd like to know how we define sexual assault, cause I think some use the term sparingly. So what defines a close call with sexual assault?

randy its called date rape. huge diff between someone grabbing your ass in a playful way or even a not so subtle jerk way, than being on a date with a man that won't stop after a few good night kisses. date rape happens a lot

I agree. That is why rape and sexual assault are different legal definitions. Thus why I asked the question in the beginning

[Zimbochick]

Those are cases of rape. Not sexual assault. I'm not trying to be an asshole. I know woman who some guy cops a feel at a bar and claim they are sexual assault victims. There is an obvious difference between your tragic and sad stories and someone who has their ass grabbed. The term sexual assault is not strong enough by itself to distinguish between the two. Thank you for your answer and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Thank you. Sadly, what I went through is not that unusual. And I would agree that there are women who overreact to harmless incidents, and they certainly minimize legitimate complaints, but I think there are many more serious incidents that go unreported. The term "sexual assault" is generally acknowledged as the blanket term, with rape being one form of sexual assault. Each state also has their own definition of sexual assault and rape.

http://www.rainn.org...-sexual-assault

[TAP]

http://www.aclu.org/...port-not-prison

[LISA]

my two cents

How does one have a close call with sexual assault? Women have grabbed my ass plenty of times (well four of five times come to mine) so does that count as assault. I'd like to know how we define sexual assault, cause I think some use the term sparingly. So what defines a close call with sexual assault?

At least you are completely predictable Flagg.

My normal response to such a statement would be "are you fucking kidding me you misogynistic cunt?", but as I am trying out a new persona of a calmer, less reactionary Zimbo, I will attempt to answer.

I have had 2 close calls. Feel free to label them any way you wish.

The first time I was 12 years old, and due to miscommunications was not collected by my mother when I should have been. I was walking home when a very respectable older man stopped his car, asked if I was okay, if I needed a ride. He then asked who I was, when I told him, it transpired he knew my family. I climbed in the car, and we made small talk. After a while he started touching me, first on the arm, then the leg, then trying to put his hand under my skirt. I asked him to stop, he laughed at me. Then he said he wasn't taking me to my home, but to his. I now realized things were rapidly headed south. He was trying to force his hand between my legs. We were driving away from anything familiar to me, and I knew I needed to do something, so when we slowed down to take a corner, I jumped out. We were probably travelling at 15-20mph, enough that it really hurt. I started screaming, probably a combination of fear, and because I was hurt. He then drove away. I walked/ran the rest of the way home.

The second time I was in college, and a "friend" of my sister's popped in for a visit, I lived in off-campus housing. He was a huge, strong guy who had been a friend up until then. Not long after he arrived he forced himself on me, I had absolutely no chance. He had a hand over my mouth, and a forearm across my throat. I couldn't scream, or even move. Lucky for me one of the housemates had been at home sleeping in her room, and just happened to wake up at the right moment.

That's how one has a close call with sexual assaults.

you seriously rock, i lubs ya chica...sorry about the past...i think as women(sorry guys) we can renumerate alot of stories such as this.

i was raped when i was 18,almost 19 by a man who was my boyfriend...he decided we had waited long enough...needless to say Ihad a great support network and he did 15 months in jail with time served before it went to court..that in itself was invasive and like going through the whole thing again...I have been touched, accosted,backed into a corner, locked in a car more times then i can count...nothing ever came of any of the others but then again, i fight dirty and a pretty tough broad...sexual assult is ANY unwanted sexual advance in my books...everything should always be consentual

[lynn]

Definition of Sexual Assault from the National Center for Victims of Crime:

"Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. Sexual assault in any form is often a devastating crime. Assailants can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure or tricks. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted."

I remember being 14 and having someone (whom I loved very much) who was a 24-7 drunk ask if he could put his hands in the pockets of my sweater (which were both right over top of my tits (nice). I said no, but I felt very very uncomfortable - I recognized even then it was the alcohol that made him do it. Also, being very young and swimming in the local lake and having some man I knew trying to help me learn how to float and he put his finger right there - outside of my swim suit bottoms - but it was there. I didn't know what to say or how to react. Being on the back of a motorcycle with a married man I thought was a friend and having him reach around behind and put his hand up my shirt - totally unasked. Just some minor examples, and obviously Lisa and Zimbo have been through some much more serious shit - but this shit happens, big or small, male or female.

It's a fine line. But, I agree that it's any unwanted sexual advance. Today, having my ass grabbed might be nothing. Depends on who it is and the context. Why would anyone touch anybody that they're not in some way intimately close to in an area that's more - well - "private"? I wouldn't even dream of grabbing some male coworker's or casual friend's ass.

[Mr. Roboto]

I will say that almost every girl I have known on an intimate level, or as a good friend has confided in me that she was either molested or raped at some point in her life. Keeping in mind that is who chose to tell me, so the number could easily be higher. I was in rehab about 15 yrs ago, and in that small group there were 4 men who came forward during therapy sessions and admitted that they had been raped by other men when they were boys. I was shocked actually, as I had never thought about men being raped/abused much at all. In that particular group those men made up 40-50% of the male population, which to me is pretty damn high.

[lynn]

That's all just so crazy. But it's so true. And it doesn't matter - male or female. Females are probably much more vulnerable to it, but obviously so can be males. Some things, especially between adults, can be taken in a joking or offhand type of context, I guess. But, there are a lot of fuckers out there who take advantage of vulnerable people. And that's wrong. No reason for it.

[PERM BANNED]

Definition of Sexual Assault from the National Center for Victims of Crime:

"Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. Sexual assault in any form is often a devastating crime. Assailants can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure or tricks. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted."

I remember being 14 and having someone (whom I loved very much) who was a 24-7 drunk ask if he could put his hands in the pockets of my sweater (which were both right over top of my tits (nice). I said no, but I felt very very uncomfortable - I recognized even then it was the alcohol that made him do it. Also, being very young and swimming in the local lake and having some man I knew trying to help me learn how to float and he put his finger right there - outside of my swim suit bottoms - but it was there. I didn't know what to say or how to react. Being on the back of a motorcycle with a married man I thought was a friend and having him reach around behind and put his hand up my shirt - totally unasked. Just some minor examples, and obviously Lisa and Zimbo have been through some much more serious shit - but this shit happens, big or small, male or female.

It's a fine line. But, I agree that it's any unwanted sexual advance. Today, having my ass grabbed might be nothing. Depends on who it is and the context. Why would anyone touch anybody that they're not in some way intimately close to in an area that's more - well - "private"? I wouldn't even dream of grabbing some male coworker's or casual friend's ass.

That's great that some organization wants to redefine what sexual assault means. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network defines "sexual assault" as "is unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."



But I go off of state codes and laws. And the federal definitions agree with how I understand the terms. Sexual assault, though varying from state to state, generally is what most would call molestation. It is not penetration - that is raped. When Zimbochick said she knew women who had close calls with sexual assalt, I was confused because I go off official or common definiitions of words. I'm sorry that anyone here ever suffered physical violence in an attempt to gain sexual pleasure, but that doesn't change the definition of sexual assault. And with all due respect, I think it cheapens the power of the word rape when you allow one term to describe all sexual acts ranging from forced rape, to some pervert grabbing a women's breast in a bar. The law agrees with me, which is why there are different statutes for each one.

[wedjat]

Those are cases of rape. Not sexual assault. I'm not trying to be an asshole. I know woman who some guy cops a feel at a bar and claim they are sexual assault victims. There is an obvious difference between your tragic and sad stories and someone who has their ass grabbed. The term sexual assault is not strong enough by itself to distinguish between the two. Thank you for your answer and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

No Flagg, those are actually cases of sexual assault. Grabbing a chick's ass at the bar is typical frat drunk behavior which would probably be considered sexual assault as well. Hey, if you don't want to be accused of sexual assault/harrassment then keep your hands off, simple as that. Because there are many women who laugh that crap off & many women who don't, you don't know what type of person you're dealing with.

[wedjat]

Definition of Sexual Assault from the National Center for Victims of Crime:

"Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. Sexual assault in any form is often a devastating crime. Assailants can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure or tricks. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted."

I remember being 14 and having someone (whom I loved very much) who was a 24-7 drunk ask if he could put his hands in the pockets of my sweater (which were both right over top of my tits (nice). I said no, but I felt very very uncomfortable - I recognized even then it was the alcohol that made him do it. Also, being very young and swimming in the local lake and having some man I knew trying to help me learn how to float and he put his finger right there - outside of my swim suit bottoms - but it was there. I didn't know what to say or how to react. Being on the back of a motorcycle with a married man I thought was a friend and having him reach around behind and put his hand up my shirt - totally unasked. Just some minor examples, and obviously Lisa and Zimbo have been through some much more serious shit - but this shit happens, big or small, male or female.

It's a fine line. But, I agree that it's any unwanted sexual advance. Today, having my ass grabbed might be nothing. Depends on who it is and the context. Why would anyone touch anybody that they're not in some way intimately close to in an area that's more - well - "private"? I wouldn't even dream of grabbing some male coworker's or casual friend's ass.

That's great that some organization wants to redefine what sexual assault means. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network defines "sexual assault" as "is unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."



But I go off of state codes and laws. And the federal definitions agree with how I understand the terms. Sexual assault, though varying from state to state, generally is what most would call molestation. It is not penetration - that is raped. When Zimbochick said she knew women who had close calls with sexual assalt, I was confused because I go off official or common definiitions of words. I'm sorry that anyone here ever suffered physical violence in an attempt to gain sexual pleasure, but that doesn't change the definition of sexual assault. And with all due respect, I think it cheapens the power of the word rape when you allow one term to describe all sexual acts ranging from forced rape, to some pervert grabbing a women's breast in a bar. The law agrees with me, which is why there are different statutes for each one.

I too have believed that rape was a separate term from sexual assault, however I think you are cheapening everyone's experiences here, including mine w/a sick fuck of a neighbor, with your posts. Here's where you're going to again go off & claim how emotional women are & that's where I'm going to tell you to shut it because as you are not a woman & haven't had those experiences, you really are being offensive by spouting off the technicalities of assault vs. rape vs. molestation. Is there a reason why you feel the need to constantly contradict everything people on here post? Could you perhaps just once nod your head & agree that yes, those are awful experiences instead of insisting on interjecting the legalities into it? Ridiculous.

[PERM BANNED]

I never did not say that cases of sexual assault or rape are not horrible. Quite the opposite. I asked for clarifcation on a term, that i was genuinely confused on. Someone took offense, but responded (somewhat) politely to it. Then came some posts that I perceived to portray me as somehow being insensitive to the topic, when all I asked was for clarification. Then another post trying to redefine the term, which I responded to. I do agree that they're horrible injustices to those that are forced into those situations. However, you're wrong in that you assume I myself have never been a victim of sexual assault. I had an incident I'm not interested in disussing on here, that happened to me as a child, when I was 7 or 8. A specific gender doesn't own the market in this area.

[wedjat]

I never did not say that cases of sexual assault or rape are not horrible. Quite the opposite. I asked for clarifcation on a term, that i was genuinely confused on. Someone took offense, but responded (somewhat) politely to it. Then came some posts that I perceived to portray me as somehow being insensitive to the topic, when all I asked was for clarification. Then another post trying to redefine the term, which I responded to. I do agree that they're horrible injustices to those that are forced into those situations.

However, you're wrong in that you assume I myself have never been a victim of sexual assault. I had an incident I'm not interested in disussing on here, that happened to me as a child, when I was 7 or 8. A specific gender doesn't own the market in this area.

Here is part of your quote

I'm sorry that anyone here ever suffered physical violence in an attempt to gain sexual pleasure, but that doesn't change the definition of sexual assault. And with all due respect, I think it cheapens the power of the word rape when you allow one term to describe all sexual acts ranging from forced rape, to some pervert grabbing a women's breast in a bar.



You have a habit of giving backhanded barbs & then acting surprised when people call you out on how offensive your posts are. Please don't assume that we don't know what's going on here, ok?